Benz recently got an email from Roanna (ni Jarwin), a former W@Wie. She said she just wanted to talk to someone who belonged to the time when she was so happy.
Maan has been one of the 30 W@Wie brides who had an 08.08.08 wedding. But as the countdown to her first wedding anniversary begins, she is scared of the pain that might hit her. You see, Jarwin has passed on last May 2009 due to heart attack while swimming during a company outing. It was our first time to receive such an email from a beloved W@Wie.
Benz suggested for her to write everything down to flush a bit the sorrow out of her system, if that would help her. Maan thought long and hard about the suggestion. Eventually she did and told Benz that she actually got to smile at the end. In Maan’s word: “the letter helped wonders.”
Hugs to Maan for the strength and courage for sharing her story with all of us. The W@W community has been her cyber family and always will be. 
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Dear friends,
At this time last year, I was also an excited bride-to-be. My husband and I were keen on looking for ways to make sure that we will have the wedding of our dreams may it be by attending as much bridal fairs as we can, going to Divisoria on weekends and being as much hands-on as we can. We succeeded. On August 8, 2008, my husband and I were married in Antipolo Cathedral and it was the happiest day in our lives. After the wedding, we moved to an apartment immediately and experienced the independent and carefree life of a newlywed couple. We traveled, went to malls and enjoyed life’s simple pleasures like cuddling on DVD nights or doing the grocery on payday or eating burger at midnight or doing the house chores while playing loud music.
But everything crashed on May 1 this year. Eight months through our marriage, my husband had a heart attack while swimming during our company outing. There was no premonition. We really didn’t expect it. Although he had a family history of heart conditions, he was so fit and healthy. I couldn’t find words to describe what I feel - anger, pain, guilt…. He passed away at the time when we were so in love and had so much hope for the future. We didn’t even have the chance to have kids together. I am still in pain. I am still grieving. I have my good days when I can appreciate the blessings in spite of the tragedy. But most of the time I have my bad days when I feel like tearing my hair out and just cry myself to sleep. It is especially difficult now because our first wedding anniversary is coming up. I keep remembering how my husband and I would talk about how we would spend it and where we would travel to celebrate it. Thinking about that day really scares me.
But I am writing not to paint a grim picture of my life. I am sharing this because I would like to point out five lessons in our love story which hopefully would do some good for married couples, even future ones too.
- Never waste your time with petty quarrels - Although our married life was happy, we were not a perfect couple. We also have our petty quarrels like tampuhan over who would prepare our meal or for not being able to text at the right time or for being 30 minutes late. We’d not talk for some time until during the wee hours in the morning when we were both in bed then he would reach out and hug me then say, “bati na tayo.” Oh how I wish I could bring back the time and not even bother with these petty things. Never ever let a day pass without patching things up and talking it over. Now I realize that I should have said sorry more often.
- Offer words of affirmation - I remember how we would often ask each other: do you love me or are you happy with me? It was good that we did this because right now, his words of affirmation keep me going whenever I am on the verge of depression. Besides, expressing your love and your happiness will add strength to your relationship.
- Find joy out of simple things - Always show your partner that you appreciate him — whether it’s a phone call during the day to say hello, or buying lugaw for pasalubong, or cooking his favorite meal. And when he does something for you, don’t forget to say thank you even for little things. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt — don’t fall into that trap.
- Always make memories - Our time was short but for me, every minute was in color. Every word exchanged, every place we’ve been to and every restaurant we ate at were all deeply etched on my mind. It helped that we had our websites and albums to document our life together. Our first purchase as a couple was a digital camera and it was so well-used that we were able to build 6 albums of pictures in such a short time.
- Express your love - A hug, a touch in the head, a peck on the cheek — there are so many ways to express your love. But most importantly, verbalize it. Saying “I love you” as much as you can will not only make your partner feel good but will also inspire him.
We were married on 888 and spent 8 months together as husband and wife. Yes, I still feel rotten and empty at times. But I have hope in the future and trust in the Lord. I will survive this. My husband’s life was short but it was a life well-lived. But I believe in our love and I believe that we will see each other again – in God’s time. God bless all of you.
Roanna (ni Jarwin)
8-8-8 | Antipolo Cathedral
http://dacruzes.multiply.com
July 24th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Hi, I’m not a W@Wie but I happened to drop by here to check the W@W calendar.
This post is just so touching! I learned so much from this especially the first lesson. My hubby and I don’t quarrel that often but we have tampuhans too. Now, I want to make sure that those petty quarrels will be lessened so we will have more quiet and happy times together!
I may not know the hurt and pain that you feel, but be comforted in knowing that God is with you and He won’t give us circumstances that we can’t handle. Thanks for sharing!
July 24th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Hi, I am getting married next year and is frequently visiting this site for a couple of months now.
This post just brought me into tears and had so much lesson learned from this story. It’s as if I am hearing myself out of the things this couple constantly do and it makes me more blessed to see my husband to be beside me and make more memories together. I should say, I am guilty of taking things for granted at times due to familiarity of being a long time couple already. Now, I see to it that I utter words of appreciation and love, be it small or big because you’ll never know comes next.
I know the pain still lingers but you must hang on, God is in control. Thanks for the post, I admire your courage and strenght.
July 27th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Hi! Same with She. I frequently visiting this site coz I am getting married nxt year..
Whoah.. Even I am in office I cannot help my tears not to flow upon reading this blog… =(
You are right Maan, we should be vocal with our feelings and not to take for granted those petty quarrels..
I admire you for being brave. Pray as much as you can, it will help to ease the pain…
God bless you and your Hubby is always at your side, I believe…
July 28th, 2009 at 11:16 am
sad
maybe the movie and i love u you is inspired by your story. don’t be afraid to fall in love again, i know that’s what your hubby wants u to have, a man that would take care love you and make you happy like he did.
July 30th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Hi Maan! Your story is very heart breaking… my tears are dropping as I read your story…
I will surely mark the day of your anniversary and will pray for you both.
Be brave girl… though I know It will be very tough! Just keep on praying, it is SOOO POWERFUL!
Maybe.. just maybe, he is destined to be taken away very early, you might never know how God extended more of his life just for you both to realize how good it feels to be LOVED (even for a short time)….but the clock is ticking and he really needs to go back to our creator… at least he has lots of good memories to keep before he go… you still have the chance to collect good memories.. so move on…
Thanks for the lessons…its tough sometimes to keep this in mind but I’ll surely keep your story in mind and heart as a reminder that will snooze every time we will be having hard times..
July 30th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
As i read your letter, i remembered the movie P.S. I Love You. It was shown last night on hbo.
I am not a W@Wie but i do check your site from time to time. I am getting married this coming december and W@W has been helping me in a way with our wedding preps.
Your story has been a life turning experience and i admire your courage for writing and sharing it with us.
Your husband left you with beautiful memories to cherish and gave you simple lessons on love which have become part of you. You have lived a good life with him, what matters now is to keep on going.
Continue living Roanna.
July 31st, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Thank you for sharing your story. It is an eye opener for me to appreciate more my husband with all the good things he has done and will still be doing for me. Indeed true that you should treat each day as if the last day so that you’ll be able to do and express only the best to your love one.
I’ll keep you in my prayers.
August 1st, 2009 at 5:37 am
Thank you for sharing your love story. I know as you write this letter your heart is sobbing. In sadness you find yourself in the dark, but I am pretty sure that you have family and friends that sorrounds you with love and compassion. I know its hard to move on especially that your first year anniversary is coming up. I will pray for you and your late husband. Keep your faith in God. Best of luck to you…God bless
August 4th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Hi Roanna! I am also a W@W bride and we are getting married next year. I seldom visit the site lately but I was happy that I did. Your story inspired me to make things right.
Me and my husband to be has been together for almost 10 years now and we decided to tie the knot just last year. Recently,he’s been away for a business trip for almost 2 months and I really gave him a hard time. We would always have those petty quarrels because of shallow reasons.
Thank you for sharing your story to us. I just realized that I am just ruining those good years we had together because of those non sense arguments. From now on I will try to be patient and as loving as possible.
I know it’s hard for you but don’t be depressed or give up. God has a reason why he took your husband from you that early. There is a purpose for everything. Just hold on and have faith and He will take care of the rest. God Bless
August 6th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Dear Beth, She, Jheng, Mika, Mel, Mona, Maureen, Nhong and Aisa:
Thanks for taking the time out to read the letter. I didn’t mean to make you cry. In fact, I had to thank everyone who has read it because for me the letter became a medium where I was able to release my hurt. And it do pains me still to this day. It has been more that 3 months since he left.
But I am not afraid anymore. I miss him. I know in my heart that he is with God, he’s in a happy and better place__ and the thought gives me comfort. I know God will take care of me as He takes care all of you. God bless.
August 7th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Hi Roanna,
Thanks for sharing your wonderful story. Very inspiring. Just hang-on and keep your faith. God will never leave by your side.
God bless..
August 8th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
it’s an inspiring story you shared with us.Just pray and be strong Roana..I admire your courage and strength,i know it takes a time to heal the pain but just remember that our dEAReast God have good plans for you..The life you able to share with us make us realize how time and life is so precious that we may be able to understand and more cautious to circumstances and chances that each day being given to us to share, to love and to hope with t your love ones..
thanK You..
God bless always..
August 9th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Hi Roanna,
I admire your strength. I know how hard it is because just the thought of losing my husband makes me feel so sad, makes me cry, and makes me worried. Iamgine, thought pa lang yun ha (I dread that day will come) Thank you for reminding us of the lessons you learned, same old lessons I learned and would still be reminded everytime I read books and magazines but do not always follow. I regret the times I fail to do those yet inspite of, my husband never fails to do his part. Thank you for sharing your story with us. These kinds of stories make me appreciate my loving husband even more. Keep the faith in GOD and LOVE alive. Smile
I hope you’d find complete happiness again soon.
August 10th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Thank you for letting us know how you really feel, because sometimes it is easy to say “I am fine” than “I am in pain”. Your letter will always be an inspiration to us to live the moment. God has a reason of allowing things to happen, you will never understand His wisdon but you simply have to trust His will. God bless!
August 10th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
hi roanna,
thank you for sharing your stories.
i’ll pray for your happiness.
God bless.
kat
August 10th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Sis!
I am already a wawie then, I read your posts through our groups, and patiently followed all your replies and not to mention your suppliers ratings. I know God is with you, He made you tough from then until now. I think your husband is very happy wherever he is right now, because you are staying tough amidst all the things.
May the force be with you always!
August 11th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Hi Roanna!
May God bless your heart and soul!
Roanna, I cannot say I know what you are going through and for you to take it easy… as I cannot imagine the pain you are in right now. I have been through my share of pain and sorrow and have learned to look at the positive or lighter side of every situation as this is the only way to help one’s-self and move on.
And as I search for that positive side in your story, I feel that despite this dark moment in your life, you are still truly blessed for having been given the chance to share a true and meaningful life with your husband…to feel and experience true love, unconditional love… that many couples even if they’ve been together / married for decades have never ever felt & shared… that it is not the quantity or the number of years together that matter but the quality of love you had for each other.
You are allowed to be angry but also allow yourself to forgive the situation and allow yourself to move on in due time. But please don’t take too long as I’m sure your husband would also want you to be happy again. Always remember that God will not give you something you cannot handle… maybe not now, but I’m sure one day you’ll realize why this happened.
Roanna, people around you can comfort you with hugs, good deeds and words but you alone can make that decision to be truly happy again. I will include you in my prayers and may you find strength and peace in God in this difficult time in your life.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Thank you so much for being an inspiration to many. At this very moment,
I am praying for you, Roanna…
That God would hold you steady when you’re weak,
may He keep you warm when loneliness is getting too cold,
May His love be more than enough for your needs and may His strength be yours.
Be blessed as you are a blessing to many, Roanna!
August 13th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
dear roanna,
where do i begin?…i’m trying to find the words..right ones to say to you….!
your courage…strength…is definitely something else sis…!i do feel you have with you a very loving support system…courtesy of your family and friends and people whether you know or not—i being one of them now…will be there to pray for you always! indeed God walks with you for where else can you gather so much strength and courage than from Him?!!!
i just got married to a wonderful and loving man last june 13, 2009…and he is all and everything i prayed to the Good Lord!
thank you for making me realize so many things…all those petty things you really just have to let go of….and to remember every single day of our lives.. of what we vowed to each other in front of God!!
Remain steadfast in your faith in the Lord for He will never abandon you….!!!
August 15th, 2009 at 9:30 am
hello sis! I’m a fellow w@wie who got married last Jan 2007. I read your letter and it truly touched my heart. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling and I know that little of what I can say can bring you much comfort. But know that your letter has touched my marriage and also the marriage of others. Thanks for reminding us and for sharing from your heart!
When my mom was undergoing surgery almost 10 years ago, the words of a song gave me comfort as I waited for her operation to end. I hope it gives you a bit of comfort too —
“God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind, When you don’t understand, When you can’t see His plan, When you can’t trace His hand, Trust His heart!” May His arms be your solace, sis. God will take care of you always!
August 25th, 2009 at 1:12 am
hi! thank you for sharing ur story and for touching our lives. Life may be tricky at times but I salute your courage and strength to carry on. U will be fine, girl. The memories which you have shared are d best reasons to look at life on its brighter side.
August 25th, 2009 at 8:10 am
This really made me cry at 8 in the morning. You reminded me of Bea’s movie. When we love a person so much every moment counts. If only you can get him back. And up there with God, he wants to be with you too. Thank you for sharing your pain with us. This is one wound that time cant heal, but you sharing eases it a bit. I’ll pray for you to be able to cope and be comfortable with his memories. That one day when you see things or remember things about him that you will be able to smile and wallow in his love.
August 25th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
thank you for being brave in sharing your story.it’s not easy to write a story(sad)knowing that it will bring you back to the memories you had with jarwin.i know that the first question you had when your husband joined the the Lord was “WHY?”.with the loss that you had…i could still say that your blessed.blessed for meeting jarwin,blessed for loving him, blessed for marrying him and blessed for sharing the sweetest memories with him.these memories(whether happy or sad)will be your guide to get back on your feet and face life again.my husband and i were married now for 9 years and i find it useful for us the 5 lessons which you have shared for a lasting relationship…for all the couples out there–true is the saying which says,SHOW YOUR LOVE TO SOMEBODY AS IF ITS THE LAST DAY OF YOUR LIFE.I will be praying for you, roanna.
August 25th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
hi maan,
you may not know me but i was deeply saddened by what happened. i know he is with God now. God knows what is good for us. I am also a newly wed, and I don’t want this to happen to our relationship. I will never forget your advises and lessons. just keep the faith and God will always be at your side. Our prayers are with you and to Jarwin.
August 27th, 2009 at 5:31 am
hi maan,
what you have just written for all of us is a confirmation of what relationships should be all about.. I am not a w@wie bride, and will never be anymore because i just lost my boyfriend of 3 and half years last month. the one that i’ve been dreaming of living my future with.
relationships are not perfect. And your point #1 is especially true. How I regret letting those petty quarrels ruin hours of our days when we could have just let them pass. I’m guilty of not having said so much “sorries” when i were about to.
I accepted a job here in Canada just 6 mos ago and i was never this distant from my bf this much time.. only to go back and see him already lying lifeless.. dead.
All the agony and pain is just too much to bear.. but reliving the life through our memories and photos together just keeps me going.
Can I just add: it’s also good to write each other letters, constantly reaassuring each other of the love you have for both. A week before my boyfriend died he wrote me a 3-full page letter which i discovered a few days after his funeral. It just gave me so much inspiration (and buckets of tears) to keep on moving. He was able to write me 5 long letters in the course of our relationship.. and I am guilty I never wrote one for him. We write emails, send text messages and do phone calls, but having to see his penmanship, all the effort of writing down his feelings for me in a long-forgotten style of love-letters was just so hearth warming. And i will live on keeping these hand-written letters my best treasures.. a reassurance that i was loved so much.
Maan, we just returned back to God what He lent us.. and the time we’ve shared will be a source of joy forever. God works in mysterious ways.
Cherr
August 31st, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Hi Roanna,
My deepest condolences to you…I haven’t lost a husband but I understand how it is to lose someone you hold dear in your heart. will go away when you wake up in the morning. My mother is the most important person in my life that I’d want for to witness the day that I’ll be walking down the aisle. I lost my her through ovarian cancer last June after just being diagnosed in March of this year. What can I say but, life is very short indeed!And I never got to understand that saying until someone was taken away from me. There are times that I think that I’m fine but there are those days that you’ll just want to lie down & cry yourself to sleep hoping that the pain.People say that it gets better & often time you wonder if it really does? But you know what? You just have to hope & pray for the best & believe that God has His way, in His own time in making things better…not exactly easier but better :-)…Someday. You just have to believe that. Don’t lose faith. You’ll always be in my prayers.
Anna
September 4th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Hello sis,
i cried nung nabasa ko tong story mo and actually, mixed emotion.. but i know, everything is under God’s plans kaya for sure may reasons why nangyari sa inyo to..
Hugs and Kisses for you sis, thank you for trusting us your story… i will pray for you..
KC
September 7th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Dear Roanna,
Thank you very much for sharing this. I bless the LORD that He has used you to bless other people in spite of your tragic loss. I will be forwarding this letter to my fiance, and we will take to heart these little bits of wisdom as we enter marriage. Again, thank you very much for this kindness. I am sorry about your loss and I pray that GOD will be your comfort and your strength in this time. I pray that you will continue to trust Him, and that He restores you as only He can.
May the love of Jesus bless you and keep you,
Aggie
September 11th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Hi.. be brave sis, open and read the bible everytime you feel so down, you know what, god will never leave you nor forsake you.. i know he has a good reason… be brave and have faith …
August 22nd, 2010 at 7:35 am
I just check the W@W website and found your story. So inspiring. I’ll be getting married this December. I’ll keep all that you’ve shared in mind and in heart.
August 29th, 2010 at 3:01 am
hi.. sister in christ.. God has a reason for everything.. just be brave and he also will find a way to make you come back to your home again.. keep the faith.. im also thankful that you shared your story to us.. the experiences you share will guide us especially the newly married couples and soon to be like me to appreciate our love ones deeply..
i will pray for you sis..
Godbless..
March 3rd, 2011 at 5:06 pm
hi! its been more than a year after this post still it teaches and inspires me to be grateful for the people i still have in my life. thank you for sharing your realizations as many of us most of the time really forget to let go of the petty things. u made me realize to still be grateful for the time and opportunity to still be together as a couple. i hope and pray that u’ll be blessed more as you touch my life through this story. i admire your courage. Take care.