prep talk

When we learned that 'personalizing your ceremony' would be the general theme for this issue, both of us brainstormed on what we should write about. Clearly, personalizing a solemn church ceremony is not as easy as adding personal touches in the invites or on the reception program. We asked, should we then write about customized Unity Candles or monogrammed aisle-runners? How else can soon-to-weds personalize their ceremony? Then it hit us! Nothing can be more personal to any couple than to write and recite their own wedding vows.

We did just that nearly nine years ago. As far as we could remember, we wrote our vows only a few days into the wedding and at a time when we weren't exactly on friendly terms. Like other couples, the pressures of wedding planning got the better of us and had a major disagreement that time -- serious enough that we didn't talk for couple of days, but not enough to call everything off. Back then, we thought that we could've done something better if only things were fine between us, but time was clearly running out. We got to read and proofread each other's vow while printing our missalettes but only felt its true meaning during the ceremony -- the first time ever we've uttered the words to each other. Nearly nine years hence, as we re-reading our vows for this article, we realize that we couldn't have come out with anything quite as good.

We have decided that we share with you the vows we've written years ago. Aside from easily beating our editor's deadline, we figured that sharing something so personal once in a while with our readers wouldn't hurt. Besides, this would also be worthy read for our friends and family who were there at our wedding since they surely didn't understand the unintelligible words mumbled between sniffs and sobs back then. Note that while the groom's vow is an original work, the bride's vow is based on a beautiful literary piece rephrased and reworded to take on a more personal meaning.

He said.

I take you Bennette, to be my wife; always thanking God for bringing you into my life. You know where I came from, and accepted me despite what I've been through; for that reason alone, I'll be forever thankful for ever embracing the love I offer you.

Though we may differ in views, traditions, outlook and opinion, I promise to always keep an open line for communication; to allow my pride take a backseat, to meet you halfway, to compromise, or if really needed, graciously come to terms and agree to disagree.

I promise to give, and will always strive to have, a comfortable life for you and our children. It may not be a glittering fame, a glamorous lifestyle or a lavish fortune; but we will always get by, and that I assure you.

Rest assured too that I'll always remain faithful to this marriage; never needing any love than your love, never wanting any touch than your loving touch, never having any woman other than the one I'm holding hands with this very moment.

Someday soon, the man of your dreams will wither yet the best friend you've always wanted lives on. When that day comes, I may no longer be a lover but I'll pick up the pieces and gather my ego to hold you, to kiss you.

At the end of the day, when we're old and wrinkled, whether I'm bald or grey, I'll stay by you and hold your hands with a smile in my face. Never forgetting these words I say, always remembering this very day.

Now with our friends and families gathered here today, there are only a few words that I've yet to say: Bennette, with your help, I promise to deliver a very good marriage and not just your dream wedding day.

She said.

Yes I do, John, I take you as my husband; never forgetting that you are God's best gift to me; ever thanking Him for your love and friendship. We've been through a lot and yet, we're still full of love, full of support and full of understanding for each other; and for that and all the other things, I will always remember and treasure the strength of this union. I'll hold on to this very same strength that will forever keep us going through all the highs and lows.

I promise to give you the best of me and not ask of you what you can not give. Instead, I'll recognize and respect you and your own views, traditions, outlook and opinion; to understand that we may differ, but yours will never be less important than my own. I will always remember that these are the qualities that I fell in love with and will not change you to suit my dreams. In times of conflict, I promise to listen to you with an open mind and open heart, with careful words and untainted thoughts; to let my love for you take an upper hand and forego my pride and ego.

I promise to be with you through all your triumphs and much more during your defeats; to love and cherish you when times are good, and moreso, when times are bad; to ask not for material comforts, but bask instead in your love and presence; to ask not for anything more that what we have and what you can offer.

I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you into my innermost thoughts and dreams, into my deepest fears and feelings. I will never shut you out and instead put you, with God at the center, in the whole of my being having my complete trust.

I promise to grow old with you, and face the changes for we both shall change in order to grow better and wiser and be the best we could ever be for each other and our children.

And before God, our families and friends, I vow to love and accept you -- in good times and in bad, hits or misses, now and hereafter -- the only way I know how... fully, completely and unconditionally.

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